The Predicament of Persistence

Today has been about accomplishing things. I feel as though some days I'm not as productive as I need to be, and so from those days' guilt come days like today. I gave the boys their lessons, cleaned my kitchen, arranged bill payments, organized, etc... but I still feel disjointed. I think it's the knowledge that tomorrow I have to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind hard work. The problem lies in the fact that when I am doing something I don't enjoy, believe in, or even sometimes disagree with, I feel trapped. Blogging helps a little, but I'm hoping to charm an editor into someday falling in love with my work so that I can supplement my income with freelance writing. I love to write, and I feel as though I'm pretty good at it. All these years of personifying nerd-dom have to be worth something at least! And so, here I go, tapping away at the keyboard, hoping someone will be somewhat interested in what I have to say. I must be persistent. The problem with being persistent, however, is that it is difficult to keep going back to something you aren't certain you can make a success. It is so amazingly daunting to try to convince myself that someone out there will like my writing enough to pay me to do so. I know I have to have confidence, but I am terrified of being overconfident. Really, I'm terrified of failing. Over, and over again. That is what persistence is: hanging in there when you keep failing; over, and over, and over. HOWEVER, I am now putting my big girl panties on and looking fear in the face! Bring it on fear! Bring it on failure! I will be Thomas Edison! I will find a whole bunch of ways not to make a lightbulb! I'm ready for all of you, keyboard in hand, ready to roll- just watch me!